Empathy and how to access it.
“
To show empathy ... The grip you hold on the world needs to be released.
____ Colin
Empathy is being able to understand or experience the world as another person or group might. The perspective must be from the person you are showing empathy to, not your own.
Even if true understanding of another perspective is not achieved, the genuine intent to be more empathetic strengthens relationships and results in better decision making.
Empathy is based in understanding. Not based in agreement.
I choose to access ‘empathy’ through discovery. Discovery coupled with simple milestones. It makes the skill more accessible.
Before you begin to discover, you will need to check yourself and acknowledge a few things. Even if you can simply say to yourself “I get that.” It will help.
“You see the world as you feel and experience it.” And the strength of your conviction about the world makes you bad at empathy and discovery.
To show empathy, you will need a much lighter touch. The grip you hold on the world needs to be released.
Here is what I acknowledge.
What if the world is nothing like my feelings?
What if how I grew up and what is important to me, is only important to me?
What if the worst thing that has happened to me was someone else’s everyday?
What if what I find slightly annoying, is for someone else debilitating?
What if what I think matters most, doesn’t matter at all?
This is the first act of discovery. To show real empathy, you will need to be a blank canvas, you are skiing down virgin snow, you are no longer a judging machine, you are an open vessel waiting to be filled with original ideas.
And the cool thing is that you will never have to agree. You can treat the exercise like an anthropologist.
That’s it.
You can study human behaviour. You can see it in all its complexity. In fact you can go all Sir David Attenborough on it. The scientist, the artist, the human.
Discovery is inherently interesting. Sometimes you won’t like what you discover, but it will still be intriguing or surprising. That is when empathy really rocks. When it is act of discovery about another human.
It’s helpful to set some milestones. Remember to get out of the way. This is not about you. In this case, the milestones go deeper, not broader. The good news is by Milestone 7 you can make it about you.
Key Elements in Empathy:
Empathy is based in understanding. Not based in agreement
You cannot fake it.
You’ll never really understand what it is to be this person. But it’s still worth it.
Empathy has an economic edge. Know people, know community, know customers.
But if economics is the only reason you use to access empathy, you'll fail.
Choosing to be guided by empathy is a courageous, honest act. It means you are prioritising someone else.
When another person feels this empathy as genuine - it can lead to greater trust and strengthened relationships. It always leads to better decision making in that, more considerations are factored in before making decisions.
Here is what Empathy could sound like
“Let me attempt to see this from your perspective.”
“My aim is to see this issue as you are seeing it.”
“Help me see what I am missing.”
….When we feel understood by another person we feel less alone.
Sometimes it can get boring being in your own head. So I enjoy the escapism that comes from examining life from the perspective of another. No one says I need to embrace this different life. No one says I have to agree about how this person sees the world. No one says I have to agree with this perspective.
Humans feel especially exposed when they feel alone. It is a normal trait arising from the survival instincts that see being part of a group as favourable. So when we feel understood by another person we feel less alone.
That is the heart of empathy. That is why empathy leads to belonging, to community, to team. And without it it leads to isolation, division and conflict.
Discover the PeopleSpot App on Empathy in the workplace. Download it for free.