Become a Better Communicator.
“
Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
____ Colin
Conversation is something we do as humans mostly naturally. Think about conversations at school, in playgrounds, with your friends, with your closest family. The thing about those situations is that you don’t tend to overthink it.
It just happens - you say something, the other person responds to that something and you’re underway.
A great conversation is an exchange of ideas. It opens up possibilities. It’s different to a controlled message or a script. A conversation can strengthen relationships and it can lead to innovation and conviction.
Why does the skillset of conversations need to be invested in by organisations, when it’s something humans already do naturally?
When at work the stakes get higher or your perception of the stakes are distorted.
Maybe the outcome is critical.
Maybe your reputation is on the line.
Maybe this relationship really matters.
Maybe it feels career defining.
Maybe the potential emotional response is too much to consider.
When stakes are higher humans tend to overthink things. You tend towards tighter control. Instead of a conversation being free flowing it moves towards stilted and formalised. Our brains want to take control. You are more likely to wake at 2am wanting to script and play out who says what and when.
So getting more expert at conversations is mainly about getting out of your own way. And especially the part of you that is the controller, the planner, the scripter, the solver. Conversations thrive on humanity and spontaneity.
So getting more expert at conversations is mainly about getting out of your own way. And especially the part of you that is the controller, the planner, the scripter, the solver. Conversations thrive on humanity and spontaneity.
So how do you do that - How do you rediscover the spontaneity and the humanity? First realise what that means.
Humanity = being real, flawed, losing the polish and perfection. Losing the need to be right.
Spontaneity = going with it, stop controlling it, freeing up, relaxing into it and embracing the moment.
Create Humanity & Spontaneity in Conversations at work:
1. Work the muscle
2. Observe others
3. Reduce the interference.
Work the muscle.
I wish I could say that you don’t need to do the reps. But you do. Repetition. Maybe even rehearsal. Definitely reflection. Definitely practice. It gets easier. It really does.
Repetition with reflection. 20 hours. 50 hours. 120 hours. 300 hours. For every conversation coupled with reflection, your potential for improvement is boundless.
Reflection is also simpler than you might imagine.
Each conversation at work has two anchors: outcome and relationship.
The simple act of enquiry can consolidate improvement. Capture your reflective response in journals, with someone, in The People Spot app.
What impact did this conversation have on the desired outcome?
What impact did this conversation have on my relationship with this person?
2. Observe others:
You can watch conversations and learn (movies, TV) - Not interviews. Genuine conversations where no one is pre scripted and, no one person is under control.
If movies are your thing, try:
DeNiro and Pacino in the cafe in the movie Heat (1995).
The Before Trilogy with Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke.
The opening scene of The Social Network (2010) with Rooney Mara and Jesse Eisenberg.
Everything everywhere all at once (2022) shows what can happen when two people miss connection, when a conversation is what they both want and need.
3. Reduce the interference.
Never under-estimate that you can get better by reducing interference. Like story telling, conversations is a natural human skill set. For that reason, the most likely reason you are not better at it is because something in you is getting in the way.
Even knowing that thing will help you. Most often that thing is the need to control. You worry about a person getting upset or angry because that is out of your control. Or you worry about the person asking to prove something or to give examples.
When you discover that conversations can’t be controlled - you may find you are really good at them. You may even enjoy the experience more. And you may get much better sustained results and more trusting, open relationships.
With AI omnipresent in our lives, it seems that humans might celebrate the ancient art form of conversation. Even if it’s hard, it’s better than a robot doing it for us.
Conversations are the oxygen that every healthy culture thrives on.