Loneliness

This piece is in two parts. Both celebrate, showcase and endorse the wonderful work of people who care about a true complication of modern life, loneliness. To call it a complication is to underestimate its impact on millions of people. Today we live with the best communication tools ever invented, and yet many of us suffer with feeling inadequate, misunderstood and the pain of being lonely. It’s health impacts are of an unimaginable scale. The suffering is very real.

Showcasing Loneliness Awareness Week. (Here in Australia)
Loneliness Awareness Week

The first part is a real solution to loneliness in your own sphere of influence. The second part is a transcript of a piece of audio by the truly inspiring psychologist Christine Yeung. Where Christine asks more of organisations.
Follow Christine on LinkedIn

Part 1. The least costly solution to loneliness I can think of.

Never underestimate the simplicity and power of a chat / a conversation.

Stop caring about the outcome. Start caring about the connection and the relationship. You can't control a conversation. That's why they're fun and interesting and unexpected. Like the sports coach who says 'trust the process, the outcome will follow.' Trust the conversation. Trust that you'll know what to say next or the question will come or that a mini silence is normal.

Conversations may well be the most powerful tool humans possess. Without them, people are in conflict or they are isolated and excluded.

Conversations are the least expensive solution to loneliness.

You don’t need to fix anyone. You don’t need to win or lose. You don’t need to be a gifted story teller. Just give a shit. Just care enough to want to better understand someone else. Enjoy the difference between you both. Don’t expect it to go anywhere. You might learn something. You might not. This is not a negotiation. This is a conversation.

Only ask ‘how are you?’ if you really care to listen to the answer. Without judgment. And if someone uses ‘FOG’ as their answer. (‘Fine. OK or Good’) assume that it’s BS.

No one is really just, fine or OK or good. Life is more complicated than that. They might be pensive, surprised, a little lost, a lot lost, optimistic, pessimistic, humbled, proud. Emotions are like that. Always great conversation starters.

There is so much to enquire about. If you notice and if you are genuinely interested.

Loneliness has no real correlation to be alone. Loneliness is about disconnection and isolation and being misunderstood. A conversation is a fleeting moment when one human connects with another. It costs nothing. It is true act of genius, with a healthy dose of compassion mixed in. Try one today.

Don’t think about solving loneliness, just use the gift of conversation. No more complicated than that.

Deal with Loneliness

Part 2. Chronic loneliness is a killer. The role of organisations.

By Christine Yeung

https://www.christineyeung.com.au/

“I am very passionate about solving loneliness within organisation systems. More than that, I am passionate about scaling up primary prevention of chronic loneliness within the medical environment, within schools, within organisations, within cities and for society as a whole. 

I have experienced loneliness, being an outsider and being disconnected during critical times in my life. It causes great pain and it is close to impossible for a person who feels alone to fix themselves. Instead, the best organisations will minimise the risk that any one person becomes disconnected. The best organisations with the best leadership will prioritise meaningful connection and build a connected economy.

Only recently have organisations started to discuss the impact of loneliness. It has long been considered a societal problem, but discounted or underestimated within workplaces. 

Great organisations grow on a platform of teamwork. Teamwork is easy to say and not always easy to achieve. Teamwork relies on people feeling psychologically safe. And this is still not quite enough. People need to also be psychologically fit. 

This means connected and being fit for each other. Only when we are connected with ourselves and each other is the potential for growth real.

Without connection, loneliness kicks in. When loneliness exists a range of issues can occur. As humans we feel especially vulnerable. We lose confidence quickly. We tend to create unrealistic stories about what might be going on. We experience stress and pain. The toll on an individual who experiences loneliness equates to the health impact of 15 cigarettes a day. 

Being psychologically fit is first achieved by reconnecting with self. The creation of ease about being who you are. Knowing what you need and being able to express that. Respecting boundaries and a nourishing and optimistic take on what it is to be you.

Only when an individual is psychologically fit are they able to build and sustain meaningful connections with others.

Collective psychological fitness is the goal for the organisations we will most respect and admire into the next decade.

No longer will toxic or absent systems for relationships be tolerated. These respected organisations will reward the relationship and the effort to achieve this. Knowing that with strong relationships, strong results will inevitably follow.

Let me circle back to loneliness. It is sad that in a world with so many people, so much digital connection and so much wealth that any one person can be left to experience loneliness.
How to ask for help.

If that person is you. It is not your fault. It is a legitimate form of suffering. And please, please let someone know what you are experiencing. Maybe the irony is that you will soon discover that in experiencing loneliness you are not alone.